10 Things...

So...

life can be rocky...right?

it can be frustrating..rewarding...crazy...life is a whirlwind of emotions that can define you...

if you let them...

So...

today, I am going to focus on what I am thankful for...

1.  My belief in God...that I know even though he may not answer me right away...I still am completely unable to give up on Him.  I know without a doubt in my heart that he hears me...and is there for me...even on the days I think he forgot...

2.  My beautiful son...and my wonderful husband (I can't imagine a life without you...) and my really really sweet doggie Harlow (we have come to just adore you...).  I know...I know...I say it all the time...(take a break lady!)...but, it's true.  I say a little prayer EVERY day for these two people in my life.  I couldn't be more blessed.

3.   Lipgloss (took a turn huh...!) honestly...just PERKS me up! 

My hubby was wonderful and bought me 3 tubes of Victoria Secret gloss for Christmas and I am almost out!  AHHHH!

4.  Sunday's...at home with my fam.  I used to not appreciate Sunday...I thought, crap, the weekend is almost over.  Drats.  I like Saturday.  But...now (maybe I am just getting older)..I ADORE Sundays.  There is just something about that day...running errands...cleaning...taking walks...going to the park...grilling in the backyard...sipping some wine.  Nothing compares.

5. Pandora  (nuf said)

6.  Watching Ethan's flag football games with my dear friend...the excitement of the kids playing...the Dad's on the sidelines...and me and my girlfriend Christa sitting in the bleachers with a hot cup of coffee watching our little peanuts "try" to play football!!  LOVE IT!

7.  A freshly mowed lawn...

8.  Homemade Pizza...(I NEVER get sick of it)

9.  That my husband kisses me and tells me he loves me EVERY single night before we go to sleep...and means it.  The comfort in that is something I can't even explain.

10.  That Ethan still let's me hold him...and cuddle him...and smother him with kisses...no matter where or when.  (Heaven...)

What are your favorite things...?    

Searching...

I have always loved children...

love talking to them...playing with them...listening to them tell stories...

or just sitting back and watching them learn...

I am not very creative...or always know what to do...

which gets me frustrated...

because I want so desperately to fill my life with helping children that need it...

I've looked into Fostering...

but, my husband (the realistic one)...

is just not totally on board...(I can't say I blame him)...

he reminds me of all the things that I don't see when on a mission...

money...time...me getting upset...or totally consumed and stressed out...

the effects it might have on Ethan...him...me...

He knows I want to "Save the World" (his words)...

but, I sometimes don't think things through...and then I realize it is not exactly what I wanted...

or needed...or am able to fulfill...

I am always in search of "my fit"...

what am I "meant to do" with my life...

I went back to school for my Early Elementary Ed degree...

and ended up hitting a couple roadblocks...

I waited it out to see if they were bumps...or a stop sign...

I realized recently that it is a stop sign...

So...what next?

I am looking for a sign...a reason...something to hit me and say...

THIS is what you are supposed to do...

I recently found something called CASA...

which stands for Court Appointed Special Advocates.

You are basically a volunteer for children...

Exactly what does a CASA volunteer do?

CASA volunteers are appointed by judges to advocate for the best interests of abused and neglected children in court and other settings. The primary responsibilities of a CASA volunteer are to:

Gather information: Review documents and records, interview the children, family members and professionals in their lives.

Document findings: Provide written reports at court hearings.

Appear in court: Advocate for the child's best interests and provide testimony when necessary.

Explain what is going on: Help the child understand the court proceedings.

"Be the glue": Seek cooperative solutions among individuals and organizations involved in the children's lives. As one volunteer said: Be the glue that connects the pieces in a complicated child welfare system.

Recommend services: Ensure that the children and their family are receiving appropriate services and advocate for those that are not immediately available. Bring concerns about the child's health, education, mental health, etc. to the appropriate professionals.

Monitor case plans and court orders: Check to see that plans are being followed and mandated review hearings are being held.

Keep the court informed: Update the court on developments with agencies and family members. Ensure that appropriate motions are filed on behalf of the child so the court knows about any changes in the child's situation.

http://www.casaforchildren.org/site/c.mtJSJ7MPIsE/b.5301295/k.BE9A/Home.htm

I don't know...do I have the time...the energy...the knowledge...the heart...

I will keep searching...and waiting...and looking...

meanwhile...I just might have to look into this...

Been gone a while...

Sooo...I have been gone for a while...

I had a lot of things going on in my life...and they all seemed to come crashing down at once...

I just had no drive...no desire to do much...

the only thing that seemed to make me happy was my family and friends...
{& wine...love me some vino!}

Just a little background...

My wonderful, kind, caring, compassionate, patient, handsome husband and I have been trying to have our second child for over 3 years now...with no luck.

Our first came fairly easy...we playfully tried for a few months with no stress...no tracking anything...just said "let's see how it goes..."

and we got preggers within about 7 months.

This time around...not so much...

I must admit, 3 years of tests...poking... prodding...procedures...drugs...shots...doctor visits (all with the outcome of NOTHING IS WRONG WITH ME)...staying positive...staying happy...having hope each and every month...and 6...yes, 6  IUI's can only last so long...

mine...about 3 1/2 years...then, I hit the wall.  Hard. 

I started to think that maybe I was going to give birth to the antichrist...and God was just taking his time with that...
or...that I was going to have a baby that was just not going to be born healthy...and He didn't want me to go through that...
or...my health...or marriage was going to come crumbling down and God didn't want me to have another baby when all this was supposed to happen...

or...maybe...I just can't have anymore.

I have decided to accept the fact that I am meant to have one.

Then...work tanked...yes, I still have a job...but, well...it's a long story...

Next...my little E didn't get into the 2 Kindergartens that I really really really really wanted (& needed) him to go to...

Then, all the online schooling I took wouldn't transfer to any of my local colleges for my Early Elementary Ed degree...so, $18,000.00 and 18 months of my life were just shot down...

YIKES!!!

I was mad...and sad...and a little depressed...

So, my very wonderful friend told me to allow myself to be sad... to cry...to be upset...

and get angry...to yell at God...

but, after that...to pick myself up and put the pieces back together...

& that's where we are now...

picking up the pieces...smiling more...giving thanks for all the good and wonderful things in my life...and trusting in God's plan...

   

Anyway...if you are still reading this...and are not completely depressed...thanks!

Maybe one day...I will have a post that just SQUASHES this one to bits!!!

Purpose...

I came off such a great weekend!
We did little bit of everything...

Friday, took E to his sports class with his best bud, Carter...a little McDonald's (just him and I)


came home and started E's Valentines cards...
(I know to start early, because there is a LOT of them!)
then...

Ladies night...
which really, was one of those perfect nights...
the one where you have FABULOUS conversation...a ton of laughs...
you know, when you really connect with your friends.
We danced...we drank...we ate...
(antipasto...which I CANNOT seem to get enough of)
We had a blast!

Saturday, my brother in law called to see if E could come over to play with the boys for a while...

(um...FOR SURE!)

So, my wonderful hubby decides that we need to go use our time wisely...

&

get a massage and facial! 

YAY!

Sunday, hubby went out with the boys to watch the game...

so, my girlfriend and her kiddies came over!

I made homemade bruschetta...

fresh tomatoes...garlic...basil...lemon...olive oil...parmesan...

yum...

& "skinny" artichoke dip from http://www.skinnytaste.com/!

So...that being said...I go into work on Monday...

I used to LOVE my job...(post-production...the advertising world)...

It fulfilled me in every way...great people...great people to work for...SUPER busy...

(I work 10 hour days)...and busy all 10 of them...

We were spoiled in every sense of the word.

Free HUGE breakfast buffet every morning...

lunch menus with 4 restaurants to chose from every day...

(I gained 10 lbs in my first year!)

3:00 snack and Friday drink cart that came around...

We had a MENU of cocktails to chose from...order a drink and they bring it to you...

I got to sip COCKTAILS at work!

Mainly...I felt needed...important...that I was contributing to something bigger than myself...

...& damn good at my job.

Which brings us to now...

many people have left...we have gotten pay cuts...furloughs...it's just so darn quiet...

I feel like I get paid to sit.

Yes, we have to pay our mortgage (damn it)...

but, for me...I drop my little E off at preschool every morning

to come to a job that doesn't fulfill me anymore...

a place where I just sit and surf the net...and watch movies...

for 10 hours.

Now, I did go back to school for 18 months...

THAT was the only thing that made me feel productive.

(I had to take a break...but am going back in Summer)

I just feel like my son's life is just passing me by.

I pre-enrolled him in Kindergarten yesterday.

Kindergarten.

I almost fell over.

& I don't know what I wish...

I guess we all wish, to do something with our lives...

to make a difference...

to spend quality time with our loved ones

 (because before you know it...they are gone)

to learn...and grow...every day

to feel good...

mind. body. & soul.

I guess I will just keep pluggin away at school and hopefully when I am finished

there will be a place for me to work

with children...which is what I have always wanted to do...

to feel needed...and important...and busy...and have purpose...

To new beginnings...

I am sad to say that I have been a bit lazy when it comes to blogging lately...

to be honest...I found myself a little afraid to write my feelings down...my thoughts...my wishes...

my dreams...my day to day...

and other times, a bit overwhelmed at how to incorporate all my ideas into a piece that anybody would want to read...

I never wanted my thoughts to sounds materialistic...or uninteresting...or God forbid, just plain useless...

I am not an interior designer...{although I would LOVE to be!}...or the mom who has a million creative ideas and wants to share them with others {I have a few brilliant blog friends that can do that! yes, jaimie, I am talking to you!}...

I don't read every fashion magazine, so any pics I post are just plain late in the rest of the fashion world's eye...& although I love to cook, I certainly don't have the time or energy to cook up amazing dishes for all to taste either...

I am simply a hard-working mom that has some thoughts to share...some beautiful pictures to swoon over...& an occasional piece I write that comes straight from my heart...

Every day I strive to be the best mother, wife, friend, daughter, sister, aunt, co-worker, neighbor, and human being that I can...

I do know that I love to blog...it satisfys me in a weird kind of way...

even though I know I open myself up to God knows who...{or maybe no one at all}...

it makes me happy...

so.  I have decided that I am going to do my best to keep up with my blog...

no matter what the heck it is all about!

So, thank you to all who come visit...thank you...

it really makes my day ;)

*working it out*...

This has been a rough week for me...
life is tricky...interesting...torturous...exciting...destructive...exhilarating...depressing...& at times a bit lonely...

but, I am working it out...

So, for now, I am just going to sip my gatorade and walk around in my pretty pink fur... ;)

image:  http://chocolatetherapie.tumblr.com/

carry on...

Between going to school full time, working full time, being a mom and wife full time, housekeeper, trying to be a good friend, daughter, sister, aunt...and trying to have another baby...it gets to be A LOT!!!!!  Life is good...life is grand...but wowzers! 

I took a week of my Math class and am already frustrated!  In case you forgot...or don't remember...or just don't know...I.HATE.MATH.  With a capitol HATE!  I don't like it, my brain literally shuts down...and  most of it, I just don't understand.  But, for some reason, the world thinks we need it...(p.s...we don't...).

But, they won't let me drop it (I tried...) or go further in my program until I take these two Math classes.  Darnit!

Anyway, I thought I would focus on some beautiful things while my brain takes a much needed break from LIFE!

My absolute favorite flower...

here is my motto for the week...

Happy Monday!!

images: http://www.shabbychic.com/,http://beautifulthingstoshare.blogspot.com/

the tea party...

I decided to start this blog because I needed an outlet...a place to just, talk.  & really, I don't have time...:)  I work full time, am a full time mom and wife...and a full time student!  (Yikes!)  But, in spite of all this, I still didn't have a place to just express me...

A friend of mine started a blog a year or so ago and throughout the months spent reading about her family, her struggles and her ups and downs...the idea of it slowly started to creep in my mind as a good thing to do.

Some of these pages will be lighthearted and breezy, while others may get a little deep and dark...but they all belong to me... and if you know me, then none of this will be a suprise :)