Been gone a while...

Sooo...I have been gone for a while...

I had a lot of things going on in my life...and they all seemed to come crashing down at once...

I just had no drive...no desire to do much...

the only thing that seemed to make me happy was my family and friends...
{& wine...love me some vino!}

Just a little background...

My wonderful, kind, caring, compassionate, patient, handsome husband and I have been trying to have our second child for over 3 years now...with no luck.

Our first came fairly easy...we playfully tried for a few months with no stress...no tracking anything...just said "let's see how it goes..."

and we got preggers within about 7 months.

This time around...not so much...

I must admit, 3 years of tests...poking... prodding...procedures...drugs...shots...doctor visits (all with the outcome of NOTHING IS WRONG WITH ME)...staying positive...staying happy...having hope each and every month...and 6...yes, 6  IUI's can only last so long...

mine...about 3 1/2 years...then, I hit the wall.  Hard. 

I started to think that maybe I was going to give birth to the antichrist...and God was just taking his time with that...
or...that I was going to have a baby that was just not going to be born healthy...and He didn't want me to go through that...
or...my health...or marriage was going to come crumbling down and God didn't want me to have another baby when all this was supposed to happen...

or...maybe...I just can't have anymore.

I have decided to accept the fact that I am meant to have one.

Then...work tanked...yes, I still have a job...but, well...it's a long story...

Next...my little E didn't get into the 2 Kindergartens that I really really really really wanted (& needed) him to go to...

Then, all the online schooling I took wouldn't transfer to any of my local colleges for my Early Elementary Ed degree...so, $18,000.00 and 18 months of my life were just shot down...

YIKES!!!

I was mad...and sad...and a little depressed...

So, my very wonderful friend told me to allow myself to be sad... to cry...to be upset...

and get angry...to yell at God...

but, after that...to pick myself up and put the pieces back together...

& that's where we are now...

picking up the pieces...smiling more...giving thanks for all the good and wonderful things in my life...and trusting in God's plan...

   

Anyway...if you are still reading this...and are not completely depressed...thanks!

Maybe one day...I will have a post that just SQUASHES this one to bits!!!